


Wade's Not Fat

by 14ofdiamonds



Series: Three Word Prompts [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Good Peter, M/M, Wade Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 13:12:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11601354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/14ofdiamonds/pseuds/14ofdiamonds
Summary: So this random dude, @DWW, just comments on my Iron Man/ Captain America ghost au fic saying"Oh! Three word prompt? I got this.Ship: Peter/wadePrompt: "Wades not fat"XD lol this just made me giggle. You can make this fluffy or angsty soooo have fun!"So, me being me, I decided to do it, WITH BOTH ANGST AND FLUFF ('cause I'm a sucker for both).





	Wade's Not Fat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DarkWrittenWords](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkWrittenWords/gifts).



Wade absolutely hated fitting rooms.  He also hated the store H&M.  Because the author of this fanfic had been forced to go into H&M with her mother since she was a tiny little child and had nothing to do except hide in the dresses and pretend she was tall enough to fit them, that negativity towards H&M was of course absorbed by Wade as well.  (The author is still too short to fit in those dresses by the way.)  

 

So why was Wade in an H&M fitting room trying on different dresses even though he would rather be at home making out with his Petey-pie?  Because he found out Peter had a dress kink and Wade was helpless when it came to pleasing his Baby Boy

 

Great.  Now the song “Helpless” from the Hamilton play was stuck in his head.  He kinda hated that song because Eliza is such a cinnamon bun and innocent as a virgin and then Alexander just goes cheating on her with Maria Reynolds.  

 

“Oh my god.  What if Peter is cheating on me as we speak?” Wade said to his boxes.  

 

[White: I mean, not to rain on your parade, but I saw it coming.  I’m actually amazed he stayed as long as he did.]

 

{Yellow:  No, of course not!  Peter’s such a smol and innocent bean, and unlike a lot of people in this world, he has morals.  So even if he was cheating on you, he would feel guilty about it, tell you while sobbing his poor little heart out, and beg you for forgiveness.  Actually, scratch that.  He wouldn’t be cheating on you anyway.}

 

“White, I think Yellow wins this round,” Wade said after a couple minutes of thinking.

 

[White:  Would you like to know how many fucks I give?]

 

{Yellow: White’s answer is zero.  Now hurry up and try on all the dresses you liked!  Remember, you need to at least buy three because the poor lady that has to put away everything is already looking like breaking down from all those ugly garments that shouldn’t even be called clothes she has to put away.  And one of the cashiers was already eying you and her look said, “No way in hell is this mofo gonna actually buy any of this dresses.  And I hope he doesn’t because I already made a bet with my co-workers.”  So we gotta prove her wrong!! And Petey also said he had a dress kink so we gotta do something about that.}

 

Out of the two voices in Wade’s head, Yellow was his favorite.  Honestly, Wade would still be in that alleyway trying to shoot himself to death had Yellow not told him to stop and buy some Mexican food.  Unfortunately, Wade was now addicted to Mexican food and could not stop buying it for the life of him.  

 

Wade finally put on a pretty blue dress (which also reminded him of Eliza Schuyler goddamn what the fuck) and looked in the mirror.  Would it kill for the people who invented fitting rooms to also put in proper lighting?  He guessed yes. 

 

Even without the poor lighting, Wade could tell the dress looked awful on him. He was bulging in places one should not be bulging and it just looked weird on him.  As if he was fat.  

 

He tried on the next one, hoping for better results.  The results did not change.  Which was a shame because the dress was a nice yellow color, like the voice in his head.

 

The third dress was pink, not quite like a baby pink, but not hot pink either.  He still looked fat in it.  

 

The other two dresses also made him look obese in ways that he definitely did not imagine.  

 

“Guys, I think this is what happens when you eat too many chimichangas.”

 

{Yellow:  But your metabolism is so fast??  How the fuck?? Maybe you need a size bigger??}

 

[White: Wade already got the biggest sizes of all the dresses.  Of course Wade looks fat in every single one.  He’s such an idiot he doesn’t know when to stop eating.  Maybe he ate so much that his metabolism just gave up and moved to Tahiti.  I’ll be surprised if Peter still even likes you after you go home and wear that dress in front of him.]  

 

{Yellow: Shut the fuck up White.  Wade’s not fat, you’re just a pessimistic jerk who only gets off on Wade’s pain and suffering.}

White was such a bitch Wade even wondered why he hasn’t broken his 200-day-streak in shooting himself in the head to shut them up.  Oh yeah, because the last time he did that, Peter suffered a major panic attack and was sobbing uncontrollably, even though Wade already told him he could not die because of Thanos cursed him with eternal life (‘cause that bitch was jealous of the fact Wade and Death were a lot closer than she and Thanos were).  No way in hell was he going to make his Petey go through THAT trauma again.  

 

Wade grabbed the blue, yellow, and pink dresses and quickly went to the cash register.  After paying for everything (and seeing the surprised look on the cashier’s face that meant she lost the bet), he drove home.  

 

Once Wade arrived home, he saw Peter sitting on the couch reading a book.  When Peter say him, he smiled and asked, “Where were you?  Right after I told you I had a dress kink, you just ran off.  I thought you wanted to break up with me or something.  

 

Holy roly what in the actual fuck?  PETER thought WADE wanted to break up with HIM??????

 

“Petey, I would die before breaking up with you.  I just had to go out and buy a couple of things.”  With a wink, Wade walked into the bedroom he and Peter shared, took out the yellow dress (he needed all the happiness and confidence he could get right now) and slipped it on.  The silky material felt nice on his scarred skin, even though in some places it felt a little snug.  Whatever, Peter would probably like the dress.  And if he didn’t and wanted to just break up with him on the spot, well Wade felt he deserved it anyway.  He was a scarred monster that did not deserve a pure flower like Petey to be with.  

 

“Well, here goes nothing.  Or everything, I don’t care,”  Wade whispered to himself as he shuffled his way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where Peter was drinking a glass of water.  

 

When Peter saw Wade, he immediately started choking.  When Wade stepped forward to try and help him, Peter pushed him away but gave a thumbs-up and mouthing, “I’m okay.”

 

Once Peter got himself back together, he smiled sweetly and said, “You went out and bought that?  For me?”

 

“Does it look okay?” Wade asked unsurely. 

 

“No, it looks absolutely perfect.”

 

“I don’t look, like, fat, or-or anything like that?”

 

“Of course not!  I love how it looks on you, it shows off all your muscles and curves.”

 

Peter then proceeded to kiss him everywhere while Yellow was busy shouting obscenities at White in Wade’s head.  

 

“How much did this cost?”  Peter asked after peppering Wade’s head and lips with kisses.

 

“Less enough where you can take me to our bed and tear it off me and neither of us will be in disappointed in losing such a pretty dress.”  

 

And that’s exactly what they did.  

**Author's Note:**

> Lesson of the Day: When someone asks you to leave a comment to get ideas for more fics, that means that inspiration usually comes at the worst times possible and just needs a teeny bit of help. That being said, leave comments about ships you want for other fics (it doesn't have to be included in this series specifically, in can be in my other series, no series, or both idc) and more three word prompts!
> 
>  
> 
> Edit 8/17/17: this is my most kudos and commented work and I'm such a happy child. Thanks for the love and may you all be blessed!


End file.
